Verse 1:
C    G
Oooooh, deary me
                           C
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed.
                                        G
I tell him he should get up 'cause it's nearly half past three
                                 C
He can't be bothered 'cause he's high on TCH.
                              G
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea
                                C
I can't even see him 'cause his room is so smokey.
                             G
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV,
                            C
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.

Chorus:
F              C
I only say it 'cause I care,
   G                   C
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
F                   C
Now, now there's no need to swear,
       G                 C
Please don't despair, my dear mon frere.

Verse 2:
C                   G
Oooooh Alfie get up it's a brand new day
                                    C
I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away.
                                  G
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid
                         C
Get off your lazy ass, Alfie please use your brain.
                                         G
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray
                         C
I'm feeling guiltier for leading you astray.
                               G
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,
                                   C
When all you do is stay in playing your computer games?

Chorus:
F              C
I only say it 'cause I care,
   G                   C
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
F                   C
Now, now there's no need to swear,
       G                 C
Please don't despair, my dear mon frere.

Instrumental -x2-: F   C   G   C

Verse 3:
C                           G
Oh little brother, please Refrain from doing that.
                                      C
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
                                      G
It's time that you and I sit down and have a little chat,
                                       C
And look me in the eyes, take off that stupid fitted cap.

Chorus:
F              C
I only say it 'cause I care,
   G                   C
So please can you stop pulling my hair?
F                   C
Now, now there's no need to swear,
       G
Please don't despair,
       G
Please don't despair
       C
My mon frere.