Verse 1:
     E         Dbm
Hold still, my sweet
A             B
I'm trying to measure
    E     Dbm
The space between
     A              B
Your molar and your jaw


     E     Dbm
This caliper
A            B
No cause for fear
    E
No, it,
   Dbm
It doesn't hurt
   A             B
It only helps me measure
         E        Dbm
How much skin you have
A      B       E        Dbm
In the topmost layer of fat


      A               B
But I won't make that incision
             E        Dbm
Until you're nice and numb
A       B                   E       Dbm
Oh, and laughing gas can be so much fun
       A              B
Please don't doubt my decision

Chorus:
             Dbm
This will be ooh!
             E
This will be aah!
             A          Ab
This will be absolutely whee!
             Dbm                E
This will be nice, this will be neat
              A         Ab
And bring you closer to me
             Dbm               E
So don't you squirm, don't you fret
              A
I'm not gonna hurt you
Ab
Yet
  Dbm           E
I just feel the need to be getting
A
A little of you
Ab
A lot of blood-letting
  Dbm                       E
I know the sensation you're probably dreading
    A                         Ab
But cutting you up will be so refreshing
    Dbm E A Ab
For me
              Dbm E A Ab
Refreshing for me, yeah

Verse 2:
    E         Dbm
No, don't you cry
A              B
And don't call Miriam
         E  Dbm
She's my alibi
    A                 B
Oh, let me check your toes out
            E        Dbm
Aren't your toenails cute
A          B             E         Dbm
And red is such a lovely colour on you
        A                B
But you won't be needing those
            E      Dbm
When you've got no knees
A            B                 E    Dbm
Or shins, or pinky fingers, or arteries
   A                  B
So hold still while I remove them
        E           Dbm
Oh, and don't fight back
A              B                       E
I think you'll find you're missing the point
     Dbm
With that
A                    B
That's enough out of you!

Chorus:
             Dbm
This will be ooh!
             E
This will be aah!
             A          Ab
This will be absolutely whee!
             Dbm                E
This will be nice, this will be neat
              A         Ab
And bring you closer to me
             Dbm               E
So don't you squirm, don't you fret
              A
I'm not gonna hurt you
Ab
Yet
  Dbm           E
I just feel the need to be getting
A
A little of you
Ab
A lot of blood-letting
  Dbm                       E
I know the sensation you're probably dreading
    A                         Ab
But cutting you up will be so refreshing
    Dbm E A Ab
For me
              Dbm E A Ab
Refreshing for me, yeah

Bridge:
     Dbm         E
Well once upon a time
                 A    Ab
That's where the plot begins
          Dbm       E
And right after the end,
            A              Ab
Well that's where the plot thins, and
Dbm         E        A          Ab
I've got no angel to keep me in line
       Dbm         E
So I'm taking your narrative
        A         Ab
And I'm making it mine


           Dbm        B
'Cause I'm all out of hurt
       A             Ab
You've used up all I got
       Dbm          B
So I'm chopping you up
          A         Ab
And still coming up squat


     Dbm       B
If I wanted to bleed
         A          Ab
I'd just roll up my sleeve
    Dbm     E
And saw,and saw,
    A       Ab
And saw,and saw,
    Dbm      E
And saw, and saw,
    A        Ab
And saw, and saw,
    Dbm  E
And saw, yeah

Chorus:
             Dbm
This will be ooh!
             E
This will be aah!
             A          Ab
This will be absolutely whee!
             Dbm                E
This will be nice, this will be neat
              A         Ab
And bring you closer to me
             Dbm               E
So don't you squirm, don't you fret
              A
I'm not gonna hurt you
Ab
Yet
  Dbm           E
I just feel the need to be getting
A
A little of you
Ab
A lot of blood-letting
  Dbm                       E
I know the sensation you're probably dreading

Outro:
    A                        Ab
But there's one thing you're forgetting
        Dbm                          E
There's nothing like the thrill of a shred, again
A          Ab
This is no orthodox beheading
Dbm         E   A  Ab
I'm cutting you up
Dbm     E   A   Ab
Cutting you up
Dbm         E
Cutting you up is gonna be
A  Ab
So refreshing
    Dbm E A Ab
For me
               Dbm E A Ab
Refreshing for me, yeah
               Dbm
Refreshing for me

Outro: E A Ab Dbm