Verse:
C
a lady that I know just came from Columbia,
    F                             C
she smiled because I did not understand.
                           F
Then she held out some marijuana, ha ha!
    G7                              C
She said it was the best in all the land.

And I said,

Chorus:
C
No, no, no, no, I don't smoke it no more.
                              G7
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.

No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze,
                                      C
and then it makes it hard to find the door.

Verse:
C
a woman that I know just came from Majorca, in Spain.
    F                             C
She smiled because I did not understand.
                              F
Then she held out a ten pound bag of cocaine,
    G7                            C
she said it was the finest in the land.

And I said...

Chorus:
C
No, no, no, no, I don't sniff it no more.
                              G7
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.

No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze,
                                      C
and then it makes it hard to find the door.

Verse:
C
a man I know just came from Nashville, Tennessee, oh.
   F                             C
He smiled because I did not understand.
                                F
Then he held out some moonshine whiskey, oh ho,
   G7                              C
he said it was the best in all the land. 

And I said..

Chorus:
C
No, no, no, no, I don't drink it no more.
                              G7
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.

No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze,
                                      C
and then it makes it hard to find the door.

Well, I said...

Outro:
C
No, no, no, no, I can't take it no more.
                              G7
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.

No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze,
                                      C
and then it makes it hard to find the door.