Intro: A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A Bm7 A D D7 G E7 D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A Verse 1: D B7 This song is called Alice's Restaurant E7 A It's about Alice D A Bm7 A D And a restaurant B7 E7 A Bm7 But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant A D That's just the name of the song D7 G E7 And that's why I call the song Alice's Restaurant Interlude: D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A Verse 2: D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant D B7 E7 A Bm7 A You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant D D7 Walk right in it's around the back G E7 Just a half a mile from the railroad track D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant Verse 3: D B7 Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago E7 A D A Was on, two years ago on Thanksgiving Bm7 A D B7 When my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant E7 A Bm7 But, Alice doesn't live in the restaurant A D D7 G She lives in the church nearby the restaurant in the bell tower E7 With her husband Ray, and Fasha the dog D B7 E7 A And livin' in the bell tower like that they got a lot of room downstairs D A Bm7 A Where the pews used to be, and D Havin' all that room B7 Seein' as how they took out all the pews E7 A D A Bm7 A They decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage D For a long time B7 E7 We got up there we found all the garbage in there A Bm7 A D And we decided it'd be a friendly gesture D7 G For us to take the garbage down to the city dump Verse 4: E7 D So we took the half a ton of garbage B7 Put it in the back of a red VW microbus E7 A D A Bm7 Took shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction A D B7 And headed on toward the city dump E7 A D A Well we got there Bm7 A D And there's a big sign, and a chain across the dump B7 E7 Saying "Closed on Thanksgiving" A And we had never heard of a dump Bm7 A D Closed on Thanksgiving before D7 And with tears in our eyes G We drove off into the sunset E7 D Looking for another place to put the garbage B7 We didn't find one E7 A D A Bm7 A D 'Til we came to a side road B7 And off the side of the side road E7 A Was another fifteenfoot cliff D A Bm7 A D And at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage B7 E7 A And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles Bm7 A D D7 And rather than bring that one up we decided to throw ours down G That's what we did and E7 Drove back to the church D B7 Had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat E7 A D A Went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning Bm7 A D B7 E7 A When we got a phone call from officer Obie Verse 5: D A Bm7 A He said "Kid D B7 We found your name on an envelope E7 A Bm7 A At the bottom of a half a ton of garbage and D D7 Just wanted to know if you had any information about it" G And I said "Yes sir, Officer Obie E7 I cannot tell a lie D B7 E7 A I put that envelope under that garbage" D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 After speaking to Obie for about fourty five minutes on the telephone A D A Bm7 A We finally arrived at the truth of the matter, and said D B7 That we had to go down and pick up the garbage and E7 A Bm7 Also had to go down and speak to him at the A D Police officer's station D7 G So we got in the red VW microbus E7 With the shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction D B7 And headed on toward the police officer's station Now friends Verse 6: E7 A D A Bm7 A D There was only one or two things that Obie coulda done At the police station B7 E7 And the first was that he coulda give us a medal A D A Bm7 A For being so brave and honest on the telephone D B7 Which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it E7 A Bm7 And the other thing was that he coulda bawled us out A D D7 And told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again G E7 Which is what we expected D But when we got to the police officer's station B7 E7 A D A There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon Bm7 A D And we was both immediately arrested B7 Handcuffed E7 A D And I said "Obie I don't think A Bm7 A D I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on" B7 E7 He said "Shut up kid A Bm7 A D Get in the back of the patrol car" Verse 7: And that's what we did D7 Sat in the back of the patrol car G E7 And drove to the quote, scene of the crime, unquote D B7 E7 I wanna tell you about the town of StockBridge, Massachusetts A Where this happened here D A Bm7 A They got three stop signs D B7 Two police officers and one police car E7 A But when we got to the scene of the crime D A Bm7 A D There was five police officers and three police cars B7 E7 A Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years Bm7 A D D7 And everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it G E7 And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment D B7 That they had hanging around the police officer's station E7 A D A Bm7 They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints Dog A smellin' prints D B7 E7 A And they took twenty seven eightbyten color glossy photographs D A Bm7 A D With circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one B7 E7 A Bm7 A Explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us D D7 Took pictures of the approach, the getaway G The northwest corner, the southwest corner E7 D And that's not to mention the aerial photography Interlude: B7 E7 A Verse 8: D A Bm7 A D After the ordeal we went back to the jail B7 Obie said he was going to put us in the cell E7 A D A Said "Kid I'm going to put you in the cell Bm7 A D I want your wallet and your belt" B7 And I said "Obie E7 I can understand you wanting my wallet A Bm7 A D So I don't have any money to spend in the cell D7 But what do you want my belt for?" G E7 And he said "Kid, we don't want any hangings" D B7 E7 A I said "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" D A Bm7 A D B7 Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was E7 'Cause he took out the toilet seat A D A Bm7 A So I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown D B7 And he took out the toilet paper E7 So I couldn't bend the bars, roll out A Bm7 A D The roll the toilet paper out the window D7 Slide down the roll and have an escape G Obie was making sure E7 D And it was about four or five hours later that Alice B7 E7 A Remember Alice? It's a song about Alice D A Bm7 A D B7 Alice came by, and with a few nasty words E7 A To Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail D A Bm7 A And we went back to the church D B7 Had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat E7 And didn't get up until the next morning A Bm7 A D When we all had to go to court Verse 9: D7 G We walked in, sat down Obie came in E7 D With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures B7 With the circles and arrows E7 A And a paragraph on the back of each one D A Bm7 A Sat down D B7 Man came in, said, "All rise" E7 A We all stood up D And Obie stood up A Bm7 A D B7 With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures And the judge walked in E7 A Sat down with a seeing eye dog Bm7 A D D7 And he sat down, we sat down G Obie looked at the seeing eye dog E7 D B7 E7 And then at the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures A With the circles and arrows D A Bm7 A D And a paragraph on the back of each one B7 And looked at the seeing eye dog E7 A D A Bm7 A D B7 And then at twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures With the circles and arrows E7 A Bm7 A And a paragraph on the back of each one, and began to cry D D7 'Cause Obie came to the realization G E7 That it was a typical case of American blind justice D And there wasn't nothing he could do about it B7 And the judge wasn't going to look at E7 A D A Bm7 A The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures D With the circles and arrows B7 E7 And a paragraph on the back of each one A Explaining what each one was D A Bm7 A D To be used as evidence against us B7 E7 And we was fined fifty dollars A Bm7 A And had to pick up the garbage in the snow D D7 G But, that's not what I came to tell you about E7 D B7 Came to talk about the draft Interlude: E7 A D A Bm7 A Verse 10: D B7 They got a buildin' down New York City It's called Whitehall Street E7 A Where you walk in D A Bm7 A D B7 You get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected, and selected E7 A Bm7 A D D7 G I went down to get my physical examination one day E7 And I walked, in I sat down D B7 Got good and drunk the night before E7 So I looked and felt my best A D A Bm7 When I went in that mornin' A D B7 'Cause I wanted to look like the allAmerican kid From New York City E7 A D A Bm7 Man, I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all A D B7 I wanted to be the allAmerican kid from New York E7 And I walked in, sat down A Bm7 A D I was hung down, brung down, hung up D7 And all kindsa mean, nasty, ugly things G E7 And I walked in and sat down And they gave me a piece of paper Verse 11: D B7 E7 Said, "Kid see the psychiatrist, room 604" A D A Bm7 A D And, and I went up there, I said "Shrink B7 I wanna kill E7 A D A Bm7 A D I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill B7 Kill E7 I wanna, I wanna see A Bm7 A D I wanna see blood and gore and guts, and veins in my teeth D7 G Eat dead, burnt bodies E7 I mean kill D B7 E7 A Kill, kill, kill!" D A Bm7 A D B7 And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill, kill!" E7 A And he started jumpin' up and down with me D A Bm7 A And we was both jumpin' up and down D B7 Yelling, "Kill, kill!" E7 A And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me Bm7 A D Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy" D7 G Didn't feel too good about it Verse 12: E7 D Proceeded on down the hall B7 E7 A Getting' more injections, inspections, detections, neglections D A Bm7 A D And all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me B7 At the thing there E7 A D A Bm7 A And I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours D B7 I was there for a long time E7 Going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things A Bm7 A D And I was just having a tough time there D7 G E7 And they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me D And they was leaving no part untouched B7 E7 A Proceeded through and I D A Bm7 A D When I finally came to the see the very last man B7 I walked in E7 Walked in, sat down after a whole big thing there And I walked up, and said "What do you want?" Verse 13: He said "Kid we only got one question Have you ever been arrested?" A Bm7 A D B7 And I proceeded to tell him the story of E7 A Alice's Restaurant Massacre D A Bm7 A D With full orchestration and fivepart harmony B7 And stuff like that and all the phenome... E7 "Stop it right there" And said "Kid, did you ever go to court?" A Bm7 A D B7 And I proceeded to tell him the story of E7 A D The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures A Bm7 A With the circles and arrows D B7 And a paragraph on the back of each one E7 And, "Stop it right there", and said "Kid I want you to go over and sit down on that bench That says 'Group W' Now kid!" Interlude: A Bm7 A D B7 Verse 14: E7 A D A Bm7 And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there A D And there is, there is Group W's where they B7 Where they put you E7 If you may not be moral enough to To join the army A Bm7 A After committing your special crime, and D D7 There was all kinds of mean nasty, ugly lookin' people On the bench there G Mother rapers E7 Father stabbers D Father rapers! B7 Father rapers E7 A Sittin' right there on the bench next to me! D A Bm7 A And, one They was D B7 mean and nasty and ugly and horrible E7 A Crimetype guys just sitting there on the bench D A Bm7 A D And the meanest ugliest nastiest one B7 The meanest father raper of them all E7 Was coming over to me A Bm7 A D And he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible And all kind of things D7 G And he sat down next to me and said E7 D "Kid, whad'ya get?" B7 E7 I said, "I didn't get nothing A D A Bm7 A D I had to pay fifty dollars, and pick up the garbage" B7 E7 He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" A D A Bm7 A And I said, "Litterin'" D B7 E7 And they all moved away from me on the bench there A Bm7 A D And the hairy eyeball, and all kinds of mean nasty things D7 'Til I said, "And creatin' a nuisance" G E7 And they all came back, sHook my hand D And we had a great time on the bench B7 E7 Talkin' about crime, mother stabbing, father raping A D A Bm7 A All kinds of groovy things that we was talking about D On the bench Verse 15: B7 And everything was fine E7 A We was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things D A Bm7 A Until the sergeant came over D B7 E7 Had some paper in his hand A Bm7 A Held it up and said "Kids D Thispieceofpaper'sgot fourty seven wordsthirty seven sentences Fifty eightwordswewannaknowdetailsofthecrime Timeofthecrimeandanyotherkindofthing Yougottasaypertainingtoandaboutthecrime Iwanttoknowarrestingofficer'snameand A Bm7 Anyotherkindofthingyougottasay" A D And he talked for fourty five minutes B7 E7 A And nobody understood a word that he said But D A Bm7 A we had fun filling out the forms D B7 And playing with the pencils on the bench there E7 And I filled out the massacre A Bm7 A D With the fourpart harmony D7 And wrote it down there just like it was G And everything was fine E7 And I put down the pencil D B7 And I turned over the piece of paper E7 And, and there A Bm7 A D D7 There on the other side G E7 In the middle of the other side D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A Away from everything else on the other side D B7 E7 A In parentheses D A Bm7 A D Capital letters B7 E7 Quotated A Bm7 A D Read the following words D7 G E7 D B7 "Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?" Verse 16: E7 A D A I went over to the sergeant, and said Bm7 A D "Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall B7 E7 A To ask me if I've rehabilitated myself I mean D A Bm7 A I mean D B7 E7 I mean, I'm just, I'm sitting here on the bench A Bm7 A D I mean, I'm sitting here on the Group W bench D7 G E7 'Cause you wanna know if I'm moral enough D B7 To join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages E7 A After being a litterbug D A Bm7 A D B7 He looked at me, and said, "Kid E7 A D A Bm7 A We don't like your kind D B7 And we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington" E7 A Bm7 A D And friends, somewhere in Washington D7 Enshrined in some little folder G E7 D Is a study in black and white of my fingerprints Verse 17: B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A And the only reason I'm singing you this song now Is 'cause you may know D B7 somebody in a similar situation E7 A D A Bm7 A D Or you may be in a similar situation B7 And if you're in a situation like that E7 There's only one thing you can do A Bm7 A D Is walk in to the shrink wherever you are D7 G Just walk in, say "Shrink E7 D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant" And walk out A D B7 E7 A You know if one person, just one person does it D A Bm7 A D They may think he's really sick and they won't take him B7 E7 A Bm7 A D And if two people, two people do it In harmony D7 G They may think they're both faggots E7 And they won't take either of them D B7 E7 A And if three people do it D A Bm7 A D B7 Three, can you imagine three people walking in? E7 A D A Bm7 Singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out A D They may think it's an organization B7 E7 A Bm7 A And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day D I said fifty people a day D7 G E7 Walking in, singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant, and walking out D And friends, they may think it's a movement B7 And that's what it is E7 A D A Bm7 A D The Alice's Restaurant AntiMassacre Movement B7 And all you got to do to join E7 A D A Bm7 A Is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar D B7 With feelin' E7 A Bm7 A D So, we'll wait 'til it comes around on the guitar here D7 And sing it when it does Interlude: G E7 D Verse 18: B7 Here it comes E7 A D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant D B7 E7 A Bm7 A You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant D D7 Walk right in, it's around the back G E7 Just a half a mile from the railroad track D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant Verse 19: D That was horrible B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A D If you want to end war and stuff you gotta sing loud B7 E7 I could put a lot... A Bm7 A D I been singing this song now for twenty five minutes D7 G I could sing it for another twenty five minutes E7 D I'm not proud B7 E7 A Or tired D A Bm7 A D So we'll wait 'til it comes around again and B7 E7 A This time with fourpart harmony and feelin' D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 We're just waitin' for it to come around Is what we're doing Interlude: A Bm7 A D D7 G E7 D Verse 20: B7 E7 A All right now D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A D You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant A Bm7 A Excepting Alice D B7 E7 A Bm7 You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant A D D7 I said walk right in it's around the back G E7 Just a half a mile from the railroad track D B7 E7 A D And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant Outro: A Bm7 A E7 Da da da da da da da dum A Bm7 A D A D At Alice's Restaurant
