Intro:
   A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A
   D A Bm7 A D B7 E7
   A Bm7 A D D7 G
   E7 D B7 E7 A
   D A Bm7 A

Verse 1:
D                     B7
 This song is called Alice's Restaurant
      E7    A
It's about Alice
D A Bm7 A D
          And a restaurant
B7            E7                    A              Bm7
  But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant
A     D
That's just the name of the song
D7                 G                        E7
  And that's why I call the song Alice's Restaurant

Interlude: D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A

Verse 2:
D                   B7             E7     A         D A Bm7 A
You can get anything  you want at Alice's Restaurant
D                   B7        E7           A         Bm7 A
You can get anything  you want  at Alice's Restaurant
D                        D7
Walk right in it's around  the back
G                           E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
    D                   B7             E7     A         D A Bm7 A
And you can get anything  you want at Alice's Restaurant

Verse 3:
D                       B7
 Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago
       E7           A           D A
Was on,  two years ago on Thanksgiving
Bm7     A          D                  B7
When my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant
E7                      A            Bm7
But, Alice doesn't live in the restaurant
A   D                         D7                           G
She lives in the church nearby  the restaurant in the bell tower
                 E7
With her husband Ray, and Fasha the dog
D                       B7                                E7       A
 And livin' in the bell tower like that they got a lot of room downstairs
          D    A       Bm7    A
Where the pews used to be, and
D
Havin' all that room
          B7
Seein' as how they took out all the pews
E7           A                D       A        Bm7      A
They decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage
D
 For a long time
B7          E7
  We got up there we found all the garbage in there
A          Bm7      A   D
And we decided it'd be a friendly gesture
    D7                          G
For us to take the garbage down to the city dump

Verse 4:
E7                           D
So we took the half a ton of garbage
                        B7
Put it in the back of a red VW microbus
E7               A               D       A   Bm7
Took shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction
A  D                          B7
And headed on toward the city dump
E7 A        D   A
    Well we got there
              Bm7 A    D
And there's a big sign, and a chain across the dump
B7                        E7
Saying "Closed on Thanksgiving"
                       A
And we had never heard of a dump
       Bm7 A       D
Closed on  Thanksgiving before
               D7
And with tears in our eyes
                  G
We drove off into the sunset
           E7                         D
Looking for  another place to put the garbage
B7
  We didn't find one
E7 A D     A      Bm7     A    D
      'Til we came   to a side road
                        B7
And off the side of the side road
            E7          A
Was another fifteenfoot cliff
   D   A      Bm7    A         D
And at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage
B7                  E7                              A
And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles
    Bm7    A          D                         D7
And rather than bring that one up we decided to throw ours down
G
That's what we did and
E7
  Drove back to the church
    D                                  B7
Had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't  be beat
                  E7            A             D   A
Went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning
Bm7     A     D                       B7  E7 A
When we got a phone call from officer Obie

Verse 5:
D A Bm7   A
       He said "Kid
D   B7
 We found your name on an envelope
E7                        A              Bm7 A
At the bottom of a half a ton of garbage and
D                                   D7
 Just wanted to know if you had any information about it"
     G
And I said "Yes sir, Officer Obie
E7
  I cannot tell a lie
D  B7                           E7      A
 I put that envelope under that garbage"
D A Bm7 A D                            B7                              E7
           After speaking to Obie for about fourty five minutes on the telephone
   A                  D         A      Bm7     A
We finally arrived at the truth of the matter, and said
D                          B7
 That we had to go down and  pick up the garbage and
E7                        A            Bm7
  Also had to go down and speak to him at the
A        D
Police officer's station
                 D7          G
So we got in the red VW microbus
                                E7
With the shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction
           D                      B7
And headed on toward the police officer's station

Now friends

Verse 6:
E7          A           D   A           Bm7  A      D
  There was only one or two things that Obie coulda done

At the police station
B7                               E7
And the first was that he coulda give us a medal
    A                  D      A      Bm7 A
For being so brave and honest on the telephone
D                              B7
 Which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it
        E7                      A                Bm7
And the other thing was that he coulda bawled us out
    A       D                                D7
And told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again
G                      E7
 Which is what we expected
                       D
But when we got to the police officer's station
B7                         E7            A            D    A
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon
    Bm7    A      D
And we was both immediately arrested
B7
  Handcuffed
      E7          A      D
And I said "Obie I don't think
  A        Bm7    A       D
I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on"
B7              E7
  He said "Shut up kid
A           Bm7     A          D
 Get in the back of the patrol car"

Verse 7:
And that's what we did
D7
Sat in the back of the patrol car
    G                         E7
And drove to the quote, scene of the crime, unquote
D                           B7                           E7
 I wanna tell you about the town of StockBridge, Massachusetts
           A
Where this happened here
     D   A         Bm7     A
They got three stop   signs
D                            B7
 Two police officers and one police car
            E7         A
But when we got to the scene of the crime
D A        Bm7    A       D
  There was   five police officers and three police cars
B7                  E7                      A
  Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years
         Bm7  A         D                           D7
And everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it
             G                     E7
And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment
                 D                                B7
That they had hanging around the police officer's station
                E7        A              D      A   Bm7
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints Dog
     A
smellin' prints
D                           B7                   E7            A
 And they took twenty seven eightbyten color glossy photographs
                 D      A    Bm7  A       D
With circles and arrows and a   paragraph on the back of each one
  B7                         E7                      A        Bm7 A
Explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us
D                                  D7
Took pictures of the approach, the getaway
                 G
The northwest corner, the southwest corner
    E7                              D
And that's not to mention the aerial photography

Interlude: B7 E7 A

Verse 8:
D A      Bm7  A       D
After the   ordeal we went back to the jail
     B7
Obie said he was going to put us in the cell
E7           A             D      A
Said "Kid I'm going to put you in the cell
Bm7     A       D
I  want your wallet and your belt"
   B7
And  I said "Obie
           E7
I can understand you wanting my wallet
           A              Bm7      A      D
So I don't have any money to spend in the cell
                             D7
But what do you want my belt for?"
                 G   E7
And he said "Kid, we don't want any hangings"
D              B7                                  E7                  A
 I said "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
D A Bm7  A           D                             B7
    Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was
                       E7
'Cause he took out the toilet seat
     A              D     A            Bm7      A
So I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown
D                           B7
 And he took out the toilet paper
                       E7
So I couldn't bend the bars, roll out
    A               Bm7   A       D
The roll the toilet paper out the window
                        D7
Slide down the roll and have an escape
G
Obie was making sure
            E7                      D
And it was about four or five hours later that Alice
B7               E7             A
  Remember Alice?  It's a song about Alice
D A Bm7 A     D                             B7
        Alice came by, and with a few nasty words
                     E7               A
To Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail
       D        A       Bm7   A
And we went back to the church
     D                               B7
Had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
                 E7
And didn't get up  until the next morning
     A         Bm7   A     D
When we all had   to go to court

Verse 9:
D7              G
  We walked in, sat down

Obie came in
E7                             D
  With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
B7
With the circles and arrows
          E7           A
And a paragraph on the back of each one
D   A   Bm7 A
Sat down
D B7
  Man came in, said, "All rise"
E7             A
  We all stood up
         D
And Obie stood up
A        Bm7    A     D                       B7
With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures

And the judge walked in
E7                       A
  Sat down with a seeing eye dog
    Bm7 A        D   D7
And he  sat down, we sat down
 G
Obie looked at the seeing eye dog
E7 D                                  B7                 E7
    And then at the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
         A
With the circles and arrows
D     A   Bm7      A           D
And a paragraph on the back of each one
                  B7
And looked at the seeing eye dog
E7 A D    A       Bm7      A        D                  B7
      And then at twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
E7                                 A           Bm7    A
And a paragraph on the back of each one, and began to cry
D                             D7
 'Cause Obie came to the realization
                      G                     E7
That it was a typical case of American blind  justice
                         D
And there wasn't nothing he could do about it
        B7
And the judge wasn't going to look at
    E7           A         D  A       Bm7 A
The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy  pictures
D
With the circles and arrows
      B7                            E7
And a paragraph on the back of each one
           A
Explaining what each one was
D      A       Bm7 A     D
 To be used as evidence against us
B7                       E7
  And we was fined fifty dollars
                  A            Bm7    A
And had to pick up the garbage in the snow
D           D7                           G
But, that's not what I came to tell you about
E7 D B7
     Came to talk about the draft

Interlude: E7 A D A Bm7 A

Verse 10:
D                                   B7
They got a buildin' down New York City

It's called Whitehall Street
E7               A
Where you walk in
          D       A  Bm7     A D                    B7
You get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected, and selected
E7 A Bm7 A D               D7                   G
            I went down to get my physical examination one day
              E7
And I walked, in I sat down
D                               B7
 Got good and drunk the night before
                        E7
So I looked and felt my best
       A            D      A Bm7
When I went in that mornin'
         A         D                         B7
'Cause I wanted to look like the allAmerican kid

From New York City
E7              A            D    A    Bm7
  Man, I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all
  A         D                  B7
I wanted to be the allAmerican kid from New York
      E7
And I walked in, sat down
A                Bm7   A     D
I was hung down, brung down, hung up
               D7
And all kindsa mean, nasty, ugly things
G                        E7
 And I walked in and sat down

And they gave me a piece of paper

Verse 11:
D          B7                         E7
Said, "Kid see the psychiatrist, room 604"
A   D A          Bm7 A        D
And,  and I went up  there, I said "Shrink
B7
  I wanna kill
E7 A D A Bm7          A        D
         I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill
B7
  Kill
E7
I wanna, I wanna see
        A             Bm7      A    D
I wanna see blood and gore and guts, and veins in my teeth
D7         G
  Eat dead, burnt bodies
E7
  I mean kill
D B7      E7   A
    Kill, kill, kill!"
    D A       Bm7     A      D                   B7
And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill,  kill!"
               E7             A
And he started jumpin' up and down with me
    D      A       Bm7     A
And we was both jumpin' up and down
D               B7
 Yelling, "Kill,  kill!"
           E7                          A
And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me
     Bm7     A         D
Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy"
D7       G
  Didn't feel too good about it

Verse 12:
E7            D
  Proceeded on down the hall
              B7                       E7          A
Getting' more injections, inspections, detections, neglections
D      A Bm7   A        D
And all  kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
       B7
At the thing there
                    E7        A D     A      Bm7  A
And I was there for two hours,  three hours, four hours
D                       B7
 I was there for a long time
                           E7
Going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things
A     Bm7 A     D
And I was  just having a tough time there
    D7                     G                        E7
And they was inspecting, injecting every single part  of me
                     D
And they was leaving no part untouched
B7          E7           A
  Proceeded through and I
       D A          Bm7    A       D
When I finally came to the see the very last man
         B7
I walked in
           E7
Walked in, sat down after a whole big thing there

And I walked up, and said "What do you want?"

Verse 13:
He said "Kid we only got one question

Have you ever been arrested?"
A Bm7 A D                                B7
         And I proceeded to tell him the story of
           E7      A
Alice's Restaurant Massacre
    D A      Bm7    A        D
With  full orchestration and fivepart harmony
          B7
And stuff like that and all the phenome...
E7
"Stop it right there"

And said "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
A Bm7 A D                                B7
         And I proceeded to tell him the story of
                 E7     A                D
The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
A        Bm7         A
With the circles and arrows
D                               B7
 And a paragraph on the back of each one
                    E7
And, "Stop it right there", and said "Kid

I want you to go over and sit down on that bench

That says 'Group W'

Now kid!"

Interlude: A Bm7 A D B7

Verse 14:
E7 A         D           A              Bm7
    And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there
    A        D
And there is, there is Group W's where they
B7
Where they put you
                  E7
If you may not be moral enough to

To join the army
A                     Bm7               A
After committing your special crime, and
D                               D7
 There was all kinds of mean nasty, ugly lookin' people
On the bench there
G
 Mother rapers
E7
  Father stabbers
D
 Father rapers!
B7
  Father rapers
              E7                 A
Sittin' right there on the bench next to me!
    D A   Bm7     A
And,  one They was
    D                       B7
mean and nasty and ugly and horrible
          E7        A
Crimetype guys just sitting there on the bench
D A       Bm7     A       D
  And the meanest ugliest nastiest one
       B7
The meanest father raper of them all
E7
  Was coming over to me
    A                  Bm7       A      D
And he was mean 'n' ugly  'n' nasty 'n' horrible

And all kind of things
D7                               G
  And he sat down next to me and said
     E7 D
"Kid,    whad'ya get?"
B7           E7
  I said, "I didn't get nothing
  A          D     A        Bm7      A      D
I had to pay fifty dollars, and pick up the garbage"
B7                          E7
  He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
A    D A     Bm7    A
And I   said,   "Litterin'"
D         B7                     E7
 And they all moved away from me on the bench there
              A        Bm7    A         D
And the hairy eyeball, and all kinds of mean nasty things
       D7
'Til I said, "And creatin' a nuisance"
    G                   E7
And they all came back, sHook my hand
                   D
And we had a great time on the bench
   B7                                 E7
Talkin' about crime, mother stabbing, father raping
    A               D           A      Bm7      A
All kinds of groovy things that we was talking about
       D
On the bench

Verse 15:
               B7
And everything was fine
                   E7             A
We was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things
  D       A        Bm7   A
Until the sergeant came over
D B7                      E7
    Had some paper in his hand
                    A    Bm7 A
Held it up and said "Kids
D
 Thispieceofpaper'sgot fourty seven wordsthirty seven sentences
Fifty eightwordswewannaknowdetailsofthecrime
Timeofthecrimeandanyotherkindofthing
Yougottasaypertainingtoandaboutthecrime
Iwanttoknowarrestingofficer'snameand
            A         Bm7
Anyotherkindofthingyougottasay"
    A             D
And he talked for fourty five minutes
        B7                        E7         A
And nobody understood a word that he said But
       D   A       Bm7     A
we had fun filling out the forms
    D                               B7
And playing with the pencils on the bench there
    E7
And I filled out the massacre
A        Bm7 A    D
With the fourpart harmony
                  D7
And wrote it down there just like it was
     G
And everything was fine
     E7
And I  put down the pencil
     D        B7
And I turned over the piece of paper
    E7
And,  and there
A Bm7 A D             D7
         There on the other side
G       E7
 In the middle of the other side
D B7 E7        A              D      A     Bm7 A
    Away from everything else on the other side
D B7     E7       A
    In parentheses
D A Bm7 A D
           Capital letters
B7 E7
     Quotated
A Bm7 A D
         Read the following words
D7 G     E7 D                   B7
    "Kid,    have you rehabilitated yourself?"

Verse 16:
E7       A           D         A
  I went over to the sergeant, and said
Bm7        A        D
"Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall
   B7                   E7        A
To ask me if I've rehabilitated myself I mean
D A  Bm7 A
   I mean
D       B7              E7
 I mean,  I'm just, I'm sitting here on the bench
A                   Bm7 A D
I mean, I'm sitting here  on the Group W bench
D7 G                             E7
    'Cause you wanna know if I'm moral enough
              D                     B7
To join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages
      E7            A
After being a litterbug
D A Bm7 A D                 B7
           He looked at me, and said, "Kid
E7 A              D        A Bm7 A
    We don't like your kind
D                         B7
 And we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington"
E7          A          Bm7  A    D
And friends, somewhere in Washington
                         D7
Enshrined in some little folder
     G                       E7      D
Is a study in black and white  of my fingerprints

Verse 17:
B7                    E7          A             D      A          Bm7     A
  And the only reason I'm singing you this song now Is 'cause you may know
    D                     B7
somebody in a similar situation
E7 A       D      A    Bm7     A   D
    Or you may be in a similar situation
                   B7
And if you're in a situation like that
        E7
There's only one thing you can do
  A     Bm7 A      D
Is walk in  to the shrink wherever you are
D7                  G
  Just walk in, say "Shrink
E7 D                    B7             E7     A          D    A       Bm7
    You can get anything  you want at Alice's restaurant" And walk out
A
D B7                        E7       A
    You know if one person, just one person does it
D        A       Bm7    A      D
They may think he's really sick and they won't take him
B7    E7                 A           Bm7 A D
  And if two people, two people do it       In harmony
D7         G
  They may think they're both faggots
         E7
And they won't take either of them
D B7                    E7   A
    And if three people do it
D A Bm7 A D                            B7
          Three, can you imagine three people walking in?
          E7             A              D       A  Bm7
Singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out
A        D
They may think it's an organization
B7        E7                      A         Bm7   A
  And can you, can you imagine fifty people a  day
  D
I said fifty people a day
D7                           G                               E7
Walking in, singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant, and walking out
                     D
And friends, they may think it's a movement
B7
  And that's what it is
E7       A               D A Bm7   A  D
  The Alice's Restaurant AntiMassacre Movement
                   B7
And all you got to do to join
                  E7       A          D     A      Bm7   A
Is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar
D     B7
 With feelin'
E7          A                   Bm7      A      D
  So, we'll wait 'til it comes around on the guitar here
         D7
And sing it when it does

Interlude: G E7 D

Verse 18:
B7
  Here it comes
E7 A D A Bm7 A
D              B7                E7      A         D A Bm7 A
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
D                   B7        E7           A         Bm7 A
You can get anything  you want  at Alice's Restaurant
D                    D7
Walk right in, it's around the back
    G                       E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
    D              B7                 E7     A         D A Bm7 A
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Verse 19:
D
That was horrible
B7 E7 A D A       Bm7         A       D
           If you want to end war and stuff you gotta sing loud
B7 E7
     I could put a lot...
A                   Bm7  A       D
I been singing this song now for twenty five minutes
D7                     G
  I could sing it for another twenty five minutes
E7        D
  I'm not proud
B7   E7   A
  Or tired
D A             Bm7     A      D
  So we'll wait 'til it comes around again and
B7                   E7        A
  This time with fourpart harmony and feelin'
D A Bm7 A D
B7                             E7
  We're just waitin' for it to come around

Is what we're doing

Interlude:
   A Bm7 A D D7 G
   E7 D

Verse 20:
B7    E7       A
  All right now
D A Bm7 A D              B7                E7      A         D
          You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
  A       Bm7  A
Excepting Alice
D              B7            E7           A         Bm7
You can get anything you want  at Alice's Restaurant
  A    D                   D7
I said walk right in it's around the back
G                           E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
    D              B7                E7      A         D
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Outro:
   A     Bm7   A     E7
Da da da da da da da dum
          A Bm7 A     D A D
At Alice's  Restaurant