There’s a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet

Verse 1:
Em
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
    C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
    Am                                B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C                             B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and


Em                                     D
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
     G                                 C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed
    Am                                B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C                             D               B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Pre-chorus 1:
            Em
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white

pinstripes      whoa-oh


C          B      B  Am   G  Em
Everything goes according to plan

Chorus:
C                   B7
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
    Em         D
And you can't stand it
                   G
I know because you say so under your breath
                B7
You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"
C           B7          Em         D
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
G
Never looked better
    B7
And you can't stand it

Interlude: B B    C C    B B    C  C  C C B Am G

Verse 2:
Em
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
C
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas
Am                                B
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign
C                                  B7
I bet to them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shhh
Em                  D
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears
         G                       C          C B Am
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

Pre-chorus 2:
Am                         B                    C
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table
             D      B     C     B    C  C  C Am B
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

Chorus:
C                   B7
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
    Em         D
And you can't stand it
                   G
I know because you say so under your breath
                B7
You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"
C           B7          Em         D
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
G
Never looked better
    B7                B B
And you can't stand it

Instrumental (x2): Em  D  G  C   Am  B  Em

Bridge:
Em          D          G           C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
    Am            B          Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Em          D          G           C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
    Am            B          Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it

Outro:
      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch


      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em                    D  Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
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