Verse:
 G                                   Ebdim
have you checked? have a look in the mirror.
           Em
There's a fault; a crack, a flaw, a defect.
 G                                 Ebdim        Em
Have you tried wrapping up? taping over? eating less?

Proceed, you’re almost perfect!
C                Am                 G                Em
Swear by these results, my darling, self improvement is my mission.
C               D                 G              Cm
You can try and fail to look like me, and I can make commission!

Verse 2:
G
Hey, your lips have a tilt.
         Ebdim             Em                                  G
Have you thought about how big the space between your eyebrows is?
                                     Ebdim           Em
Have you heard? If you breathe it'll give you double chin.
                                C
Sometimes, it's best to hold it in.

Pre-chorus:
              Am
It's all your fault,
     G         Em                C
The ability to change is in your hands.
              A7                   G                  Ebdim              Em
Just slam the wall. Your bones too thick? Then simply grind them into sand.
         Cm**
With my favorite brand!

Chorus:
G                       Cm
Look at you babe, you're almost there!
     Em           Ebdim
With just another dime or two,
    C                 Cm   D
The Gods will surely spare you.
G                    Cm
Negligence is sinful, it's good to care.
     Em                 G
I've heard your useless dumb excuses.
C                   Cm        D     G Ebdim Em
Toughen up, 'cause life just isn't faaaair.

Interlude: C D

Verse 3:
G*&                       D#dim*        Em*
every day I wake up and I do my morning shed
                              G
it's worth it though I look insane
                                   Ebdim           Em
all the things that you never even thought about before
                          C
there's a new standard to attain
              A7              G           Em                 C
don't make me laugh there's a way to look eighteen until you die,
             A7              G               Ebdim               Em
We’ll do the math. There's a million useless trinkets you can buy!
           Cm**
It'd be a crime not to try.

Chorus:
G                       Cm
Look at you babe, you're almost there!
     Em           Ebdim
With just another dime or two,
    C                 Cm   D
The Gods will surely spare you.
G                     Cm
Negligence is sinful, it's good to care.
     Em                 G
I've heard your useless dumb excuses.
C                   Cm        D     G Ebdim Em
Toughen up, 'cause life just isn't faaaair.

Interlude: Cm D

Verse 4:
G                       Cmaj7               D              Em
Don't you wanna give up all the things that make you unique?
          Gaug           G           Ebdim      C
Don't you wanna look the age of your biological peak?
               A7             G                Em                C
You're "just a kid". But that doesn't mean you get to just slack off.
             A7           G               Ebdim            Em
You’re aging rapidly! You better not bend over laugh or cough.

(nc)
Unless you WANT those little awful creases
(nc)
that show you that you've EXPERIENCED HUMAN EMOTION.
(nc)
(EwwwAH!)

Bridge:
G**                      Cm
Look at you babe! You're almost there.

    Em               Ebdim             Cm          Cm
The time to hate yourself is now, it's good to be aware.
D        G                                 Cm
you can fix your imperfections but you're running out of time!
       Em               Ebdim               C             Cm   D    G Ebdim Em   Cm
Let me point you in the right direction, buy this foreign skin care liiiine!

(nc)
You're all ugly and it's all your fault.
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