Verse 1:
Dbm               E                      A
The old man next door says his house is haunted
          Ab                Dbm
He says a ghost keeps him awake
                      E                A
I think he's having a hard time, to be honest
          Ab              Dbm
Since his darling passed away
                    E
But he fears that a phantom
            A                              Ab                    Dbm
Has finally found him... some nemesis that never quit holding a grudge
                 E                      A
The old man next door says his house is haunted
                Ab
It's best to be upfront with some tough love

Chorus:
       A             E
I said Robert I'm so sorry
                 B
Your house ain't haunted
                Dbm      B      A
You're just not used to bein' alone
               E                              B
Robert all the creaks and shifts are just the sounds you missed
         Dbm     B    A
When you shared your home
         Ab
He says: no, no, no, no no no…

Verse 2:
Dbm            E                        A
I've had some close calls with falling items
            Ab                                    Dbm
I'm duckin' picture frames and dinner plates and all
             E                 A
All my daily meds: I can never find 'em
               Ab                            Dbm
They're put in places that I never would've done
                  E                          A
And the furniture shifts and it caused me to trip
                  Ab                       Dbm
I wake up with my pillow on my face every night
                         E
It sounds silly but this house is tryin' to kill me
     A
Will you come see? Just stay with me?
     Ab
Just stay with me one time?

Chorus:
       A             E
I said Robert I'm so sorry
                 B
Your house ain't haunted
                Dbm      B      A
You're just not used to bein' alone
               E                              B
Robert all the shifts and creaks are just the signs of grief
           Dbm     B       A
Now you're living on your own...
               Ab
But okay, I'll go…

Bridge:
            Dbm
And I can't help but feel absurd because nothing
                         B
That I've heard from the downstairs room
      Dbm                                                 Ab
Is of paranormal origin, it's 4 am, this poor old man is just confused
    A
But wait
       Dbm
I hear footsteps... on the stairs...
                Ab
They're gettin' louder and louder... G#ove me... They're stomping
  A                                      Ab
I pray it's just Robert until I hear him scream my name -NEIGHBOR GUY!-


         Dbm
And I go running up the stairs, jumping three at a time
        E
And I'm fully unprepared for the terrors I will find
  A
I burst into the room and by the light of the moon
       Ab                            Ab7
It's a ghost as real as both me and you


       Dbm
And it wasn't the butler that he sacked without cause
        E
Or that surly groundskeeper or that mafia boss
       A
Or his old business partner that he stabbed in the back
Ab
Or the ghost of Christmas Future, Present or Past
       Dbm
And it wasn't the guy from the mishap at the zoo
E
Or that other guy from the other mishap at the zoo
       A
No, of all the spooky specters Robert wronged in his life
    Ab
The ghost floating between us was his darling dead wife

Chorus:

And she said
A              E
Robert, I'm so sorry
               B
Didn't mean to scare you
             Dbm      B      A
I'm just not used to bein' alone
               E                  B
Robert, ya see, death's a one-way street
            Dbm      B        A
And I can't find my way back home
            E                   B
Robert, I figured I'd just come getcha
            Dbm             B      A
I thought a haunting might do the trick
            E                        B
Robert, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be easier
          Dbm         B          A        Ab
I don't remember you bein' this quick…

Outro:
Dbm                 E                     A
The old house next door's got a sign out front now
      Ab                   Dbm
a for sale sign tied to a post
              E                          A
So, attention shoppers, you can make an offer
       Ab                 Dbm
On a 2 bed, 2 bath and a Ghost